Ubi Est Deus Nunc?

It was cold this morning.  Usually here on the coast January is mild, but we are used to hot weather so 40 degree temperatures are a reason to bundle up with seldom used coats and wool hats.  Because of my fur I don't get that cold, but my ears are sensitive to cool wind and, of course, they are the hardest things for me to keep warm.  I pull a stocking cap down over them so that they lay flat against my head, awkward but it does work.  I thought I would go fishing today, the water is only 60 feet or so from the front door so it is not a big trip.  I cannot wear waders because of the tail and my feet, so I thought I would just stay on the shore and cast fish. 
Around here anything will work for bait, I like using slab bacon as it stays on the hook and the crabs and little trash fish have a much tougher time taking it off, shrimp disappears as fast as you can throw your hook in the water.  I use hooks without barbs, I hate to cause pain to anything and much of the fish I catch are too small to keep.  I rarely keep fish I catch, I like the thrill of them fighting the line and reeling in a good sized eating fish.  While I can eat meat, it doesn't taste right and is too heavy.  Broiled fish is light and tasty but a lot of trouble to make, cleaning fish is messy and the sight of all that flips my stomach.  But if I catch an eater I have a neighbor or two that likes fresh fish, so I have some fun and they get a meal that costs quite a bit these days in stores.  But the whole point of fishing is disengaging my brain while I do something that is automatic to me, I find that refreshing.  There is an expression, too drunk to fish.  This is a joke, there is hardly anyone who can get into such a state.  In my case it is too distracted to fish, I have a lot of problems and feel alienated always, so when I do feel like going to the water it is a rare treat for me.  I fed Meemee and Precious before I left, I never know what will happen when I go into public areas.  I leave a lot of dry food and water where they can get to it, cats can survive just fine for days and who knows what I may run into out in the world.  One thing that is not going to happen is anyone trying to pick a fight with me, that doesn't happen often but it does happen and I get in trouble everytime.  I have decided I will run first, a novel idea and one that I dislike.  But I was modified for speed and I hate it when I have to talk to the police and my case officer every time I defend myself, it has been made clear that my freedom to live in society depends on not fighting with true humans.  Why no one has just shot me I don't know, I doubt they would get into much trouble and living as I do among hunters and other sportsmen I think it is just a matter of time.  Probably because rabbits are regarded as harmless and cute I have to deal with so many jerks that just think I'm a walking punching bag, that the two legged variety is that way for combat survival does not seem to enter their heads.
I walked outside with my creel and rod, I locked the door then crossed the street to the water.  Although it was cold and blustery I was only wearing a shirt and pants, the weather felt great.  My ears were not cold although them laying flat alongside my face felt strange.  The occasional car went by, a lot of people drive golf carts but those guys are usually locals, and they know about me.  It is legal for children to drive those carts on the streets here and I often find myself talking to a cart full of excited kids, lots of fun for me but that has caused problems in the past.  Many people think that a rabbit has nothing but sex on it's mind and are unaware that modified humans are incapable of such activity.  Like I said, talking to kids can lead to confrontation that I don't need or want.
I baited my hook and threw it in the water.  A formation of bombers could be seen high in the sky, the contrails like so many chalk lines on a blackboard.  I see more of them everyday.  I used to hide when I saw military vehicles but I have gotten used to them, after all I'm a civilian with nothing to worry about.  Anymore.
I felt the tugging on the line almost instantly and would jerk back with the rod but with no success.  This is not an ideal fishing spot but it is popular with the locals, easy to pull over and just cast your line in.  It reminds me of the story of the drunk looking for his keys under a streetlamp far away from where he lost them because the light is better there.  Since I didn't care whether or not I caught anything I found my thoughts drifting back to the war.  I remember once when I was searching a supposedly dead enemy soldier and he tried to detonate a grenade.  When searching a body one approaches from the head and put's a knee on the soldier's back, and pats him down head to feet.  This keeps you from being kicked and pins his trunk to the ground.  In this case the grenade was gripped by the edge of his chest and it popped out and exploded.  I saw it push free of the soldier's body armor and swatted it faster than I could think, such reflexes were part of my desired attributes.  The bomb went off only a few feet away, but my entire squad had turned their helmets and armor toward it and we suffered only a few shell fragment injuries, nothing serious.  Of course I broke the soldier's neck.  Our command timberwolf barked an order and we moved on to clear the rest of the area.  I received a note in my file commending my actions.  This was only a week before our unit was wiped out on H. Q.'s orders, I think that the Enhanced Infantry scared hell out of our politicians.  The war was almost over and re-introducing us to society would be nothing but trouble, as I have found out.  Because Paulie and I survived the ambush at Forlorn Hope the press made heroes of us, so the government must move cautiously when they decide to finish the job.  Guaranteed my death will be announced as an accident.
I snapped out of it, the war is nothing but horror to me and such memories kept me from sleeping well.  I packed up my gear and walked across the road to home.  My kitties were complaining loudly about my abandonment of them so I got them their supper.  I got a beer and watched TV for awhile, the news channels were all over about the provactive actions of Canada.  I doubt any of that was true, the government needed a distraction from the latest scandal of cabinet members selling secrets and fucking children.  Since this was hardly news I watched some old Warner Brothers cartoons and laughed like I was 7 years old.  Before I went to sleep I turned on most of the lights in the house, I could hear the jets thunder overhead as I drifted off.  I didn't dream at all and awoke actually looking forward to another day.

  Sometimes I wonder when and how it will happen, the suspense is killing me.