How My Rabbit Started WWIII

Ladies and gentlemen, members of this distinguished society,...Your Majesty, Mr. President:

     I am beyond honored to have been asked to speak to this august company tonight.  I was told that I needed to break the ice (rattles ice cubes in glass, - laughter) so I thought this amusing story might do the trick.  

     In my country, there are many different professions.  Well, when I was a kid my dad had an acquaintance, Ernie the Pus-Sucker.  Pus-Sucking is a valuable trade, nothing like the inconvenience of swelling and infection to ruin one's day.  One afternoon Ernie got a call from someone who asked him to come over as fast as possible, he was in great pain and need Ernie's services.  So Ernie, good guy that he is, put on his coat and drove over to the caller's house.  When he got there he knocked on the door and almost recoiled from the smell of decay and filth that greeted him when the door was opened.  The caller was a very fat man who obviously didn't bathe much if at all.  It transpired that the guy had this immense swollen boil way up his ass, and he needed it sucked out.  So Ernie, always the professional, realized that he would not be able to get to the boil under normal circumstances, so he had this guy strip and straddle two chairs.  Now Ernie could get his lips around the boil, but he had trouble because of the man's grotesque body odor, obesity, oily body hair and lack of personal hygiene.  But Ernie was a pro, and finally got to the boil and started to suck the pus out, he had his head wedged all the way as far as he could in the patient's ass and started to do his thing, when the man cut a huge, greasy wet fart.  Ernie yanked his head back and cried out, 'Hey, Buddy,...What are you trying to do,... gross me out'?

     Thank you very mu...hey...take your hands off, jerk.  I'll sue all you sons of...stop,goddammit...Stop! Stop!  Help!

 

Elegant bunny by Eula Maraille Morales.  https://www.artstation.com/eulphoria