How My Rabbit Started WWIII

-


Ladies and gentlemen, members of this distinguished society,...Your Majesty, Mr. President:
     I am beyond honored to have been asked to speak to this august company tonight.  I was told that I needed to break the ice (rattles ice cubes in glass, - laughter) so I thought this amusing story might do the trick.  
     In my country, there are many different professions.  Well, when I was a kid my dad had an acquaintance, Ernie the Pus-Sucker.  Pus-Sucking is a valuable trade, nothing like the inconvenience of swelling and infection to ruin one's day.  One afternoon Ernie got a call from someone who asked him to come over as fast as possible, he was in great pain and need Ernie's services.  So Ernie, good guy that he is, put on his coat and drove over to the caller's house.  When he got there he knocked on the door and almost recoiled from the smell of decay and filth that greeted him when the door was opened.  The caller was a very fat man who obviously didn't bathe much if at all.  It transpired that the guy had this immense swollen boil way up his ass, and he needed it sucked out.  So Ernie, always the professional, realized that he would not be able to get to the boil under normal circumstances, so he had this guy strip and straddle two chairs.  Now Ernie could get his lips around the boil, but he had trouble because of the man's grotesque body odor, obesity, oily body hair and lack of personal hygiene.  But Ernie was a pro, and finally got to the boil and started to suck the pus out, he had his head wedged all the way as far as he could in the patient's ass and started to do his thing, when the man cut a huge, greasy wet fart.  Ernie yanked his head back and cried out, 'Hey, Buddy,...What are you trying to do,... gross me out'?
     Thank you very mu...hey...take your hands off, jerk.  I'll sue all you sons of...stop,goddammit...Stop! Stop!  Help!
 
Elegant bunny by Eula Maraille Morales.  https://www.artstation.com/eulphoria

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Two Angel Forms Were Seen To Glide

-
Image
’Twas on a lofty vase’s side, Where China’s gayest art had dyed The azure flowers that blow; Demurest of the tabby kind, The pensive Selima, reclined, Gazed on the lake below. Her conscious tail her joy declared; The fair round face, the snowy beard, The velvet of her paws, Her coat, that with the tortoise vies, Her ears of jet, and emerald eyes, She saw; and purred applause. Still had she gazed; but ’midst the tide Two angel forms were seen to glide, The genii of the stream; Their scaly armour’s Tyrian hue Through richest purple to the view Betrayed a golden gleam. The hapless nymph with wonder saw; A whisker first and then a claw, With many an ardent wish, She stretched in vain to reach the prize. What female heart can gold despise? What cat’s averse to fish? Presumptuous maid! with looks intent Again she stretch’d, again she bent, Nor knew the gulf between. (Malignant Fate sat by, and smiled) The slippery verge her feet beguiled, She tumbled headlong in. Eigh
Read more

Where In The World Is Billy D Bunny?

-
Image
''The plight of Davis Paul'' ''Dam you to Hades Billy! why are you setting fire to my Wardrobe with your Cigarette!!?''...you would hear on occasion some kind of verbal anger often from Davis - shouting out in abstract Frustration, 'just because Billy Thought Davis Pauls Clothes were lame'' oh yeah, Billy D was the Dude.........Davis put up with so much crap and nonsense from the rebellious Layabout - come would be antisocial super hero, ''the enabler''...Davis Paul was literally at the end of his tether..all those worrisome late nights... Davis would often shout at Billy, during one of Billy's Trash rampages, ''Aunt may never has this problem ever with peter parker !'' and then the rest of the time, Davis Paul wondering where Billy was? and what was Billy D up too? then after hours and hour of worrying,  Billy would just rock up - staggering through the Front door, Gladiator outfit on, covered
Read more

Two Sides Of The Same Coin

-
Image
 It was a lovely day in November.  At least Tom thought it was November, the air was crisp and cool and it felt Novemberish.  There were no calenders here, while he had a clock he rarely looked at it.  He never had to be anywhere at any particular time in any event, when he had to be somewhere he always showed up on time, if that's the word for it.  Anyway, it was a nice Fall day. Tom stood on his porch that surrounded the small field stone house, he could see and smell the smoke from his neighbor's fires, someone was cooking fish and the big cat was salivating.  Since he had had his coffee he wasn't hungry, but the fish really smelled enticing.  Odd, he thought, I haven't had meat since I got here.  When did I get here?  he thought to himself, I don't remember.  Maybe someplace in town sold meat, although he had never seen such a shop.  It didn't matter, what with the bread and potatoes and butter and honey he was never hungry.  Tom lit a cigarette
Read more