Scarfolk, Again
After the last post about inflatable child substitutes, a young reader has written in asking about the use of dolls in general.
Puppets and marionettes were frequently used in 1970s healthcare. For example, at Scarfolk Hospital & Confectioners, electro-shock therapy was administered by ventriloquist dummies. Even Scarfolk Council's very own Barbara, the omphalophobic hand puppet, performed amateur lobotomies on disobedient children and undesirable tourists in her weekend hobby group.
Bi-weekly prostate examinations were performed by a wooden Pinocchio puppet who initiated the procedure by telling a series of lies (whilst attached to a polygraph machine to ensure a rigorous, productive examination).
If Pinocchio discovered anything to be concerned about he would withdraw and squeal: "We've found a nasty one, Jiminy Cricket!"*
Puppets and marionettes were frequently used in 1970s healthcare. For example, at Scarfolk Hospital & Confectioners, electro-shock therapy was administered by ventriloquist dummies. Even Scarfolk Council's very own Barbara, the omphalophobic hand puppet, performed amateur lobotomies on disobedient children and undesirable tourists in her weekend hobby group.
Bi-weekly prostate examinations were performed by a wooden Pinocchio puppet who initiated the procedure by telling a series of lies (whilst attached to a polygraph machine to ensure a rigorous, productive examination).
If Pinocchio discovered anything to be concerned about he would withdraw and squeal: "We've found a nasty one, Jiminy Cricket!"*
*Before the advent of fibre-optic cameras the use of crickets or
grasshoppers for exploratory surgery was common. However, there was a
breakthrough in 1978 when a local scientist invented a miniature
polaroid camera which he taught locusts to operate.
The
Horned Deceiver appeared in several Scarfolk publications in the early
1970s, one of which we featured a few weeks ago (see here).
As followers of the traditional state religion dwindled, a gap opened in the faith market. The Horned Deceiver exploited this by targeting the lower middle-class, under-12 demographic, relying initially on playground word-of-mouth. By 1973 he had become so popular that he produced a successful range of merchandising including lunchboxes, bed sheets and wallpaper, plush dolls and black candles made from human tallow. He was a regular guest on local radio and on television where he appeared on celebrity panel quiz shows such as Celebrity Squares and Blankety Blank (see below).
Though well-liked, he eventually lost the pagan market to Mr Johnson of the Officist cult (see Discovering Scarfolk for more details) who had the enthusiastic backing of local politicians and business magnates whose families had been kidnapped and threatened by the cult.
As followers of the traditional state religion dwindled, a gap opened in the faith market. The Horned Deceiver exploited this by targeting the lower middle-class, under-12 demographic, relying initially on playground word-of-mouth. By 1973 he had become so popular that he produced a successful range of merchandising including lunchboxes, bed sheets and wallpaper, plush dolls and black candles made from human tallow. He was a regular guest on local radio and on television where he appeared on celebrity panel quiz shows such as Celebrity Squares and Blankety Blank (see below).
Though well-liked, he eventually lost the pagan market to Mr Johnson of the Officist cult (see Discovering Scarfolk for more details) who had the enthusiastic backing of local politicians and business magnates whose families had been kidnapped and threatened by the cult.
The Horned Deceiver on Blankety Blank, BBC 1, 1979.
Love is the air like doves and butterflies and pulmonary tuberculosis.
Happy Valentine's Day from Scarfolk!
An artist's impression of the 1978 Solstice Incident during
which an occult ritual went awry at Scarfolk Henge resulting in the
transformation of the sacrificial martyr into an enormous space hopper.
When neither druid nor doctor could reverse the process, the victim
became a town mascot, offering rides to children. Records show, however,
that he was also secretly employed by the state to violently intimidate
seditious citizens and prying outsiders. He was known among council
staff as 'The Bouncer'.
The as-yet unsolved Steamroller Murders of Spring 1979, when dozens of
people were discovered crushed flat with every bone in their bodies
broken, were almost certainly a result of The Bouncer's handiwork.
More anthro magic from Scarfolk.
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