Reptile Round-Up

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Yesterday, my brother was chlorine shocking my parent's useless, expensive, nothing but trouble pain in the ass swimming pool when all of a sudden he started gesticulating wildly at the water.  It seems this turtle was in the pool, and because of how cloudy the water was we could not see him any deeper than a foot.  Since the water was now boiling with the suburbanite's equivalent of  Zyclon-B it was expedient for us to get his armored butt out of there.  The pool was not as clear as those old photos of the lagoons around Ankor Wat, and I was not risking my eyesight and God knows what else by diving in after him.  We took the scoop net and employing precision teamwork cornered the turtle and gently lifted him out.  Ha ha!  We were screaming at each other and jabbing the bottom of the pool with an eight foot aluminum pole when the turtle surfaced like a U boat blowing it's buoyancy tanks.  I have you now, I exclaimed, and grabbed him.  He was extremely strong and pushed out of my hands with his Late Permian feet.  I was afraid of that beak, very afraid.  We took  him over to the hose and gave him a fresh water shower.  In this photo I had just quit washing him.
If looks could kill it would have been me and not him.
After more bitter and pointless argument, we took him to the saurian infested creek behind my sister's house and I let him go.  "You're free, little turtle", I cried.  The turtle buttoned up and was still laying there when I left.  He was about 10" long and very lovely.  About a year ago the city pulled a healthy gator out of that creek, some 6' 1/2 foot long with an arrow stuck in it's head.   Life around here is like something out of "Microcosmic God".


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